What I learned in 2010

I have to admit that 2010 was not the best year. In fact, it just might qualify as one of the WORST years I can remember. But, with bad times, come lessons learned. Hard lessons. Lessons that I don't wish to repeat. But nevertheless, they are growing experiences that hopefully will make the future a little better. At least, I hope so. I have to believe that there is always good that comes from the bad. Otherwise I just feel like crap.

So here are a couple things I learned in 2010:

1. Money comes and goes (or in my case, it just goes), but family is with you no matter what. Starting a business really sucks. Ask any entrepenuer. But you do it because you have visions and goals and lots of faith. You have to do without so that years down the road you are rich like Bill Gates. You sacrifice a lot. A lot. You do whatever it takes to make ends meet....including selling your grandma's piano. Your kids wear hand-me-downs (which my kids so anyway). You stay in to a watch a Redbox on Friday night instead of a nice night out. You make homemade pizza instead of ordering in. You make a Sunday turkey meal last all week by making turkey soup, turkey casserole and turkey sandwiches. You have a "homemade" Christmas where you have the kids make gifts for each other instead of store-bought toys. You catch my drift.

But with all those sacrifices come a stronger bond between members of your family. Kids pull together to create gifts from things they already own. Your grocery budget is cut in half, but you eat healthier and spend more time around the kitchen table. You show your family that they are more important than great-grandma by giving up the piano. You spend nights playing games instead of sitting at a movie theater with buckets of popcorn (which is outrageously expensive, I might add). The kids, and maybe even your spouse, learn to cook from scratch and feel the pride that comes with not burning the bisquits. These are things that are hard to learn without actually HAVING to do them. They come from necessity. They last forever.

2. You find out who your true friends are. Those who know you are struggling and offer to listen when you are frustrated, or offer to babysit while you plan your coupon clipping-money-saving grocery trips so you can shop without extra "helpers", or someone who might offer a trip to the park with the you and kids to get you out of the house. They want to go to lunch so you actually get out of your pajamas and do your hair. They don't judge or gossip. They pray for you. And most important, they let you know that they care.

3. You develop talents you didn't know you had. Like hemming pants, refinishing furniture, putting a new starter in your van, using wheat in lots of new recipes and finding ways to barter. I'm willing to work for what I need. Some people aren't. Some let pride get in the way. One of the first things that go out the window is pride. And that is what stops people from surviving and thriving.

4. My kids have learned to appreciate what they have and learned that it either takes money or hard work to get what they want. They've also learned that we work as a family. They have chores. The older kids look for babysitting jobs, mowing lawns, pet-sitting...you name it. They know it is a treat to go out to eat or see a movie. Not saying they are perfect, but they are pretty darn close.

5. This year I learned to be involved in the finances. I quit doing the bills years ago because it gave me such anxiety. I quit asking questions. I quit wanting to know what was happening at work. But to be uneducated about money is just plain stupid. I've always made my own spending money selling on eBay, so I would just spend what I had and not worry about the rest. I would let Michael deal with the big stuff and I took care of anything the kids needed, food, gas, entertainment. But I was missing the bigger picture. Now I am a partner in finances so I know what needs to go where and when. I feel so much more control and power and that is totally cool.

So although 2010 will go down as the year from...well...hell, I hope that I was able to take away from it all some life-changing lessons. My family means the world to me. Stuff is just stuff. The more you have of it, the more you need to clean. I love my home just the way it is. It is warm, comfortable, lived-in to the fullest. The crayons on the wall tell a story. The tiny hole in the countertop has a history (from me with a powerdrill). The wood floors have gouges from someone riding a bike inside. Even the stains on the carpet remind me of playing the Wii for family night and someone spilling my coke.

Sure, one day I will get new carpet, paint over the wall "art" and upgrade the kitchen countertops to granite. But hopefully those memories don't fade and hopefully we have many, many more years together to create new ones.

Lessons of traveling

We all learn lessons. Some the easy way, some the hard way. Mostly the hard way. This week I took my 4 youngest on a road trip to see the old Merrell farm in Moses Lake, Washington. It's a long drive (1,651 miles round trip) and we always have our fair share of laughing, crying, fighting and creating life-long memories. I always prepare for the worst and hope that the positives outweigh the negatives. My kids always come home dirty, sleepy and talking for days of their adventures and fun times with cousins.

This trip taught me a few things.....

1. There are some REALLY good people in the world. The man who stopped to help us with our first (yes, first) flat tire just outside of Burley, Idaho. Plenty of people passed by, I started to get out the jack and spare to do it myself when I saw a man backing up to help. I cried. Out of sheer frustration that my brand new tires had failed me, and of happiness that someone cared. He helped us on his way and he didn't even know what his service did for my faith in mankind.

The next day I had ANOTHER flat (and yes, my next post is about people that suck....i.e. tire salesman). These tires were less than 6 months old. My frustration got the best of me and I threw an adult-sized temper tantrum that included trying to smash my van with a tire jack (thank goodness my dad can still hobble fast enough to get to me before damage was done). So again, I had the help of my dad and my cousin's husband who not only took time off work, but postponed taking his sweet wife and children to the ocean until the tire was good as new. There are lots of good people who surround us, and I am glad they were there when I needed them.

2. Just as there are good people in the world, there are also some really crappy ones. Like the tire place that I called out of desperation when I had 2 bad tires and no spare. They advised me to call a tow truck and by some new ones. Ummmm, you do NOT want to say that to a stressed out, on-the-verge-of-tearing-someone-a-new-one, stuck with 4 kids and $25 in the bank woman. No sirree. How about sympathy, finding a solution, resolving to take a look when I get back in town and make sure they weren't defective? I WOULD NOT want to be that Mr. Rick when I go pay them a visit tomorrow.

Also, to the cop who pulled me over while I was lost/trying to get directions from my deaf/stroke-affected father in the front seat. No, I was not looking at how fast I was going, I was trying to figure out if I could get over in time to take the correct exit in a city known for its horrible freeway (the Tri-City area in Washington for those who have been there). And no, I DO NOT appreciate the fact that you are doing me a "favor" of writing that I was going 70MPH instead of 75MPH in your crappy city. A ticket is a ticket, and I have not had a ticket in over 10 years. I pretty much told him how I felt about his ticket and promptly rolled up the window before I cussed in front of my dad. I can't decide if I am going to roll over and pay the $113 fine, or just tell the state of Washington to shove it.

3. There is bound to be at least one sick child on every trip. Poor Jack had the worst case of the runs I have seen in all my years of being a mother. Sorry for the TMI, but the kid couldn't talk/sneeze/walk/sneeze or even breath without an "episode". I'm talking at LEAST 50 times. I would say 50 trips to the potty, but we only officially made about 4 to the potty. I finally got a towel, put a washcloth on top of that and made him sit and watch movies while changing out the soiled stuff for about 8 hours straight. It's bad to have sick kids when you are home, but 100% worse when you are in someone else's house. To make matters worse, I had a bad case of insomnia the night before and didn't sleep AT ALL, so running on no sleep didn't help. THANK GOODNESS no one else got sick, or I would have packed the car up and drove home immediately.

4. There is also bound to be plenty of accidents. Hayden's horse got spooked while he was riding bareback and luckily he got bucked close enough to a fence that he grabbed on and escaped. He also rode a motorcycle into a fence at my sister's house and broke the fence (good thing he knows to wear a helmet or I would have killed him). Payton got a giant-sized goose egg on his head from the waterslide that luckily didn't split or I would have fainted and made a huge scene. Asia skinned her knee, Jack got more splinters on his little feet than I have seen before, but they still are in there since he won't let me near them. Basically, they saw what life is like on a farm and learned to "man up" and not complain.


All in all, it was a great trip, I loved seeing aunts/uncles/cousins and their kids. My kids rode horses, played for 2 days at an amazing pond created by my uncle (complete with canoes, rope swings, 50 feet waterslides, pavillion with tables and BBQ for eating, sand volleyball, and miniature golf), caught frogs and a salamander (which is now our pet in Hayden's room), played with 9 brand new kittens, floated down the canals, helped paint a house and bale hay, had a talent show and ate good food. We came back exhausted, covered in mosquito bites, dirtier than I believed possible, and truly happy that Grandpa made us go.

Parenting FAILS!

My kids decided to hide their dinner so they could get dessert. I saw the guilt on their faces and told them they would be skipping any treats tonight. Later, as I was downstairs, I kept hearing the microwave beeping, so I tip-toed up to see what they were doing. The evidence of microwaved smores were on their faces, so they couldn't deny a single thing.

Later at bedtime, I suggested that maybe I should stop buying candy/snacks/junk food completely so they wouldn't be tempted to lie again. Their answer???? "Sounds like a good idea mom". What? Who are these children? I have to admit, I have the biggest sweet tooth in the family, so it would actually be a punishment hardest on me. I never, ever expected them to AGREE to a sugar-ban. I thought there would be tears, begging, tantrums and promises of better behavior. But no, I think I was out-smarted by a 9 and 6 year old.

So it reminded me of other parenting blunders along the way. I'm sure these are familiar to any parent.

1. "If you don't stop_________/do ___________ again/refuse to __________/(add in your own statement).......you will be grounded ALL day tomorrow. No TV, no computer, no video games".

I use this WAY too much. And I always INTEND to follow through. But then, by 9am the next morning, the kid is driving me BONKERS and not allowing me to get anything done. I end up telling him/her to just sit and watch something so they are not trailing behind me telling me how bored they are.

2. "If you can't get along in the car, we will cancel our trip to ____________".

I just used this 2 days ago. We were on a Sunday drive to Grandma's and 2 of the kids could not stop instigating an argument. When I told them to stop, they just kept arguing in a whisper. I decided then and there that if a 40 minute drive could make me want to down a bottle of Nyquil, I simply could not handle a 15 hour drive without driving the car off a bridge. But really, can I cancel a trip that was put together by my elderly father, who just wants to spend some time on his childhood farm with his siblings surrounding him? Could I let him down because my kids can't zip their lip? Of course not. So again, empty threats.

3. "If you can't keep your clothes off the bedroom floor, I guess I can send them to charity for little girls who only own over-sized T-shirts that they use as dresses".

My daughter's reaction? "Perfect mom, I'll help you put them all in a bag. That way I don't have to clean them up." Not really what I was going for. Now, I don't mind allowing my kids give to charity, in fact, we regularly make quilts and blankets for charity. But I didn't want to give away the clothes that still fit, that are still perfect for school, or that I didn't get on sale. But how do you say, "Oh, just kidding Asia. Let me help you hang these back up". I really need to THINK before I SPEAK!

4. I really, really try to make sure there is no hitting, biting, hurting of any kind in the house. When I see someone (well, usually one child in particular) hurt someone else, I try to tell them of when I was a little girl and my brothers would beat me up. Usually a VERY true story. But, like any story, you have to embellish just a wee bit to make it more entertaining/fascinating/scary..... So I guess I've told enough of these stories that they have actually been scared of their uncles. I've had to repair their reputations since my brothers are actually some of my very best friends.

My lesson learned....tell stories of ficticious people.

Technology

I was watching my 4th grader typing yesterday and was amazed at how quick and accurate he was, and it reminded me of my 7th grade typing class. We had to memorize the order of the keys, have correct hand position, remember to push the carriage back at the end of the paper so you wouldn't type completely off the page. And remember the white correction tape?? For when you spelled a word wrong or wanted to change something you wrote? How much has changed since then (and no, I am not THAT old)!! I remember when:

1. I bought my husband a pager for Christmas, just in case I wanted to get hold of him and needed him to call me back. How completely obsolete, unless you are a doctor, but maybe even now they don't page people anymore.

2. Remember when you wanted to record a song, but didn't want to buy the tape at the record store, so you waited until the song came on the radio and hurried as fast as you could to push "record" on the tape recorder? You could play that song over and over again, only missing the first couple lines every time. And how long did we sit there, just knowing the song would come on any minute now? Who even has the patience OR the time for that now?

3. Speaking of recording, how about TIVO? I remember when I first heard of TIVO and hearing that you could actually record a show, or pause it, or miraculously even rewind it. WHAT!?!? I thought to myself, "But what happens when I want to fast forward it.....how would it know where to stop....and what about all the other people watching at the same time?" I couldn't even grasp the concept. Now, I can't imagine what type of mom I was when a kid interrupted me during the most crucial part of the show. Or what if I actually had to be out of the house or away from the TV on Thursday nights? Would I just have to miss Survivor and find someone who happened to watch it to know who got kicked off?

4. I recall the first time I saw a credit card/debit card machine at the the grocery store. I was horrified that people were so careless that they would actually CHARGE groceries, of all things, to their credit cards. What was this world coming to? Did people not see the dangers of senselessly swiping their cards and spending years paying off the interest of their hot dogs/mac and cheese/bread and milk? Couldn't they just write a check and save their financial futures? I don't think I even owned a debit card yet, so the concept truly frightened me. I don't think I've written a check in the last year. I don't think I even own checks.

5. When I went to college in 1991, my dad let me borrow a laptop computer so I could type and print a large report. It was basically a highly technical typewriter that apparently I was too dumb to know how to work and he said it never worked after that. My 5th child was computer savvy at age 2. Yes, age 2. He could click on the Butterfly to get onto MSN, find the Favorites Star and get to Nick Jr and play games, watch videos, do puzzles, etc. Now at age 3 he can play Call of Duty, use the mouse with precision, and pause it for a potty break. The speed in which they learn just astounds me. Absolutely astounds me.

6. In elementary school I remember using the encyclopedia for everything. Have to write a report on evaporation? Read about it in the encyclopedia. Curious about bodily functions? Look it up in the encyclopedia. Even trying to find the meaning of a naughty word you heard at school....the encyclopedia. Now, I use GOOGLE for everything. To look up medical ailments, to find a recipe, to find ANYTHING....within seconds. In fact, if I were in elementary school today, I wouldn't even have to write a report about evaporation, I could just copy and paste a bunch of information, include a colored illustration and make it look super-fancy and professional in less than 5 minutes. And I wouldn't have to use a pencil or a typewriter to do a single thing.


I can't imagine my life now without my computer, my iPod, my check-free grocery trips, my smart phone and all the TV shows I record each week (and will have the time to actually WATCH one day). I can't imagine life without the instant connection I have with family and friends via texting, emailing, Facebook chatting. I would miss the events in their lives where I can read their blogs about new babies, weddings, and special occasions....complete with pictures and videos. And I would miss sharing mine with them.

Things I love.....

Not in any particular order.....

1. My kids....all 5 of them, almost every day

2. My husband....again, almost every day

3. Making cookies

4. Rain or the threat of rain....reminds me of my childhood in Maryland, where there was always plenty of beautiful thunderstorms.

5. Old friends....I love new friends too, but there is something about an old friend who knew you before you were cool, has seen all your terrible hairstyles over the years, knows your deepest darkest secrets...and still loves you anyway.

6. Cashmere. I have passed this love down to my youngest daughter, who can tell something is cashmere by just a slight touch. I've created an expensive monster in that one.

7. Any citrus smell....check my candles.

8. Watching the movie trailers before the feature movie starts. It's usually the best part.

9. Sore muscles....I love knowing I worked hard enough that my body aches. It's the sign of a good day.

10. Brand new socks. I would be a happy woman if every day I woke up to a crisp, white, nice smelling pair of new socks. That's not too much to ask for, right?


I'm sure I will think of more, like the fact that I love when my pancakes have a slightly doughy center. Or seeing my tulips pop up in the Spring, just before the neighbor kids pick them all. Maybe I will have to continue with my 20 favorite things another time.

3 things you love......

Tonight I was getting ready to put the kids to bed and I asked Payton to tell me 3 things he loved about me. He TOTALLY surprised me with his answers.....

1. "You take good care of us"

2. "You make me feel safe and comforted"

3. "You always teach us how to choose right from wrong"

This is what I THOUGHT he would say......

1. "You are pretty"

2. "You sing good"

3. "You always make cookies"

He taught me a huge lesson. Kids really don't need much.....just good guidance, a safe home and someone to be there when they need us the most. I am SO glad I have been able to be a stay-at-home mom for my kids and I now know that the sacrifice has been worth it.

I'm just not normal......

I can't, for even one minute, try to pretend that I am a "normal" mom. I mean, I might look the part: I drive a dinged up mini-van, I wear almost-to-the-knee shorts during the summer, I carry a purse big enough to hold my personal 72-hour kit, etc. But follow me around for a day and you will see what I am talking about.

For one, I LOVE to embarrass my kids, even if it means embarrassing myself. My 14 year old can give you hundreds of examples. Most of the time she laughs and tries to "one-up" me, but she has found that it is almost impossible to embarass me in public. She begs me to just blend in when we have to go somewhere together. Don't talk to anyone. Don't talk to her. Pretend we are just strangers who happen to be walking next to each other. Doesn't she know that the more she protests, the more fun it makes it to make her squirm?

Next, there are times when I am great at comforting my kids when they are sad/hurt/disappointed. But other times, I tend to react in a way that makes the situation worse. For example, Asia found an advertisement for a Dance Camp put together by a few neighborhood girls. It will be held at the park down the road and when I told her she could do it, she nearly passed out from excitement.

Later that day she said, "Mom, I have to get all packed".

I said, "What for?"

She said, "Duh, for Dance CAMP. I need to go find a tent".

Okay, now who wouldn't start laughing? I tried to keep a straight face and told her that Dance Camp didn't mean she was going camping. She started balling and throwing herself on the floor. I was laughing so hard that it was making her cry harder.

Another bad mommy moment that happens a lot at our house....I DO NOT practice what I preach. When I make cookies I tell the kids they can only have a couple. What they don't know is that I hide most of them away so I can eat them without them knowing. They THINK I only eat two. Because that's what I tell them. I also tell them to hang up all of their clothes, yet I have a pile next to my bed that I don't put away because I will just need to get them out again later. I tell them to get off the computer and go play outside (so I can get on without being disturbed).

I really do try to be a normal mom. I kiss their boo-boos, drive them to every imaginable activity, make sure they get good grades and eat all their vegetables. But I guess there is just a part of me that refuses to grow up and act my age (which is 37 BTW). That's why when you see me and my 14 year old in the parking lot of the grocery store, she is rolling her eyes when I push the shopping cart real fast and hop onto the front for a ride.

And maybe there is no such thing as "normal".