Parenting FAILS!

My kids decided to hide their dinner so they could get dessert. I saw the guilt on their faces and told them they would be skipping any treats tonight. Later, as I was downstairs, I kept hearing the microwave beeping, so I tip-toed up to see what they were doing. The evidence of microwaved smores were on their faces, so they couldn't deny a single thing.

Later at bedtime, I suggested that maybe I should stop buying candy/snacks/junk food completely so they wouldn't be tempted to lie again. Their answer???? "Sounds like a good idea mom". What? Who are these children? I have to admit, I have the biggest sweet tooth in the family, so it would actually be a punishment hardest on me. I never, ever expected them to AGREE to a sugar-ban. I thought there would be tears, begging, tantrums and promises of better behavior. But no, I think I was out-smarted by a 9 and 6 year old.

So it reminded me of other parenting blunders along the way. I'm sure these are familiar to any parent.

1. "If you don't stop_________/do ___________ again/refuse to __________/(add in your own statement).......you will be grounded ALL day tomorrow. No TV, no computer, no video games".

I use this WAY too much. And I always INTEND to follow through. But then, by 9am the next morning, the kid is driving me BONKERS and not allowing me to get anything done. I end up telling him/her to just sit and watch something so they are not trailing behind me telling me how bored they are.

2. "If you can't get along in the car, we will cancel our trip to ____________".

I just used this 2 days ago. We were on a Sunday drive to Grandma's and 2 of the kids could not stop instigating an argument. When I told them to stop, they just kept arguing in a whisper. I decided then and there that if a 40 minute drive could make me want to down a bottle of Nyquil, I simply could not handle a 15 hour drive without driving the car off a bridge. But really, can I cancel a trip that was put together by my elderly father, who just wants to spend some time on his childhood farm with his siblings surrounding him? Could I let him down because my kids can't zip their lip? Of course not. So again, empty threats.

3. "If you can't keep your clothes off the bedroom floor, I guess I can send them to charity for little girls who only own over-sized T-shirts that they use as dresses".

My daughter's reaction? "Perfect mom, I'll help you put them all in a bag. That way I don't have to clean them up." Not really what I was going for. Now, I don't mind allowing my kids give to charity, in fact, we regularly make quilts and blankets for charity. But I didn't want to give away the clothes that still fit, that are still perfect for school, or that I didn't get on sale. But how do you say, "Oh, just kidding Asia. Let me help you hang these back up". I really need to THINK before I SPEAK!

4. I really, really try to make sure there is no hitting, biting, hurting of any kind in the house. When I see someone (well, usually one child in particular) hurt someone else, I try to tell them of when I was a little girl and my brothers would beat me up. Usually a VERY true story. But, like any story, you have to embellish just a wee bit to make it more entertaining/fascinating/scary..... So I guess I've told enough of these stories that they have actually been scared of their uncles. I've had to repair their reputations since my brothers are actually some of my very best friends.

My lesson learned....tell stories of ficticious people.